Non-stop conflict between Maya and Anael

We are currently dealing with A LOT of conflict between Maya and her cousin Anael, who is staying with us (along with her parents) for the next couple of months... Maya, who tends to play fine with most children, has never acted out towards Noah, and is generally agreeable, kind, and generous (for a 3 year old) is really having problems with Anael (her cousin, who is 2) to compound things, they do not have a common language, so any communication must be non-verbal.

Anything that Anael touches (even if Maya is engaged in another activity) Maya tries to grab. It might be mine or Maya's or even Anael's...irrelevant... whatever she has, Maya grabs, and then Anael responds with violence and the mayhem must be controlled. The girls are never unattended, usually there are even 2 adults around. I'm generally of the "let them work it out" opinion, but Anael is bigger than Maya and bites and hits, and Maya scratches, so I'm a bit concerned about someone getting hurt. Also, the household just cannot go on like this for the next several months....

So, I've reached out to the Unschooling Basics group and have gotten the following feedback:

Its not uncommon for three year olds to want to take charge of their environment, and another child who's mobile can be a real challenge to that urge (which is likely why you're not seeing any trouble with the baby - he's not up and about yet)! Something that can help a whole lot is finding ways for your 3yo to have lots and lots of chances to make decsions and feel capable. Can she reach all the light switches? Pour her own drinks? Grab a snack without any help? get to all her own toys without asking? Also consider offering her things to do that involve learning to control her own body and exert control over the environment - give her things to pour and invite her to help wipe up spills and wash things. Involve her in cooking and other household tasks.

Does she have a space in the house that's just hers? That could help, too, if she has a sense that she can be the one to decide who comes in to that space or use the things in that space. In a sense, there's a whole other family in her space, right now, which is stressful for a little one. So things that weren't an issue before are more likely to blow up while they're visiting. If your dd seems to do better when you're out of the house, that's something else to try - taking her out more so she's not so keyed up about "her" home being full of other people.

and from another respondent:

It's hard to have someone else come into your house and take all your stuff. Can you go through her stuff, with her, and pick out the things that she really doesn't want to share with Anael? You two could figure out somewhere that she felt was a good place to have all the special stuff, including anything of yours that she thinks should be off limits, and put it up there. Then you can take it down in quiet, private moments and play with those things without Anael being present. Don't worry about this being an issue of being generous or not, figure out ways to meet Maya's need for her stuff to be her stuff and her home to still feel like her space. Maybe going out more would help. Make life more about public spaces than Maya's private space.

At 2 and 3 working it out themselves shouldn't be part of the picture. Step in and hang out and help distract. Talk to Maya about what would be fine for Anael to play with and have lots of those things to hand to distract Anael with if things are moving too quickly to conflict. 2 to 3 months is a long time, figuring out ways to buffer Maya as quickly as possible will help to make that time move more quickly.

I really like both responses, and it's giving lots of food for thought...and things to work on.