Beach Weather is Back

If you are a tourist, it is beach weather year 'round here...however us locals are picky about going to the beach. The tingles of the oppressive summer heat are here, but that also brings lazy, breezy beach days. It's still too cold for me to go in the water, but the girls thought that the weather was perfect for sand castles.
And what's a better way to end a beach day than ice cream?

Garden work this weekend

We've done a nice push in the garden this weekend. 8 new raised beds in the front, a long 3' wide veggie bed for a symbiotic hydroponic/ aquaculture system Haim is working on (like this), and a watering system for the front beds.
David came to work with Haim for half a day today, while Estelle and I did lots of passover cooking, including this yummy flourless chocolate cake.
I also picked some of the garden bounty for tomorrow's meal. Yum!

The chicks are 3 weeks old

Time for a chicken update...
I have my 3 original Rhode Island Reds. We hatched 8 around the time that Noah was born...we processed the roosters, I just sold 3 hens for $25 a piece, and we have a RIR and an Amerucana from that group, who are now laying...for a total of 5 laying hens.
We received 27 chicks, and I sold 10...so now we have 17. 8 are Dark Cornish Hens (for the table), and then we have 8 layers (Dominique, Partridge Rock, Black Australorp, White Rock, Columbian Wyandotte, White Giant, Light Brahma) and a White Crested Black Polish just for fun!

They're getting big and currently living in a "chicken greenhouse" outside. It's a 4x4 structure made with 2x1s and bent PVC pipes to give it form, with a clear vented tarp for protection from the elements. The heat lamp keeps them warm at night, and it's got no bottom (like a chicken tractor) so that we can move it around and they can enjoy natural grit and fresh grass. I had them inside for about 2 weeks, but it was getting a bit stinky (musty chicken smell) and dirty for my taste.

Noah eyes a tomato that's about the size of his head

"My mother told me I could"

Every Thursday a couple of moms and I rotate park day. One mother stays with the kids, and the others have a couple of hours "free." Today was my day. Maya was playing with Lucy and Carla in the sandbox, and I asked Maya not to continue to do one of the things that she was doing. A couple of minutes later she was at it again.

"Maya, what are you doing??"
"My mother told me I could" (with a totally straight, non-ironic face)
.....check
"Maya, I'm your mother"
"No you're not....Lucy is my mother today"
....check mate!

What more could I say to such well reasoned logic?

Green eggs and ham...

If we ate ham in the house....we could now serve green eggs and ham!
The small greenish one was laid by our hen..."affectionately" known as Stew-Pot. She's been one of our noisier girls, but she's an amerucana cross, looking mostly like amerucana...she was spared only in hope that she would lay tinted eggs...still noisy, but what cute eggs!

Minnie's Princess Dress

Haim found some really cheap fabric in the "Scratch and Dent" section of Ikea. Maya wanted to use it to make a "minnie princess dress" like she saw on an old Mickey cartoon. This is what we came up with...and she happily wore it all day!

Sleeping in the swing

Noah enjoyed the park just as much as Maya today.

How to sparkle

Still working on Maya and Anael's dynamic...also, had a conversation with Lynn (beloved aunt and a practicing therapist in NYC) and she gave me a lot of conventional parenting advice...she was never a parent, but is a couples therapist, and tends to be pretty in tune...anyway, the advice was totally not applicable to our family, but I had an interesting dialogue with her as a result of the advice, and her referring to it as "real world" advice...

The thing about RU (Radical Unschooling or Natural Learning) type parenting (which we follow some of, but not all of) is that the idea is not how to correct and change the child’s personality or behavior, or punish them and teach them that certain feelings and emotions are not acceptable…but to give them the space and meet their emotional needs in a way that they can then self correct…a MUCH LONGER TERM process, but I think in the end much more internally motivated and rewarding, both to the individuals and the relationship.

Also, a focus on not what we want to be age appropriate, but what each individual is capable of at their age in their specific situation…these ARE real life lessons, if you are NOT in school, but in the loving care of parents/ family where you do have more freedom to know yourself and experiment with emotion…however, this will not apply to a schooled child, bcause their “real world” will not give them the time or space for the process to develop….it implies that our world is not real…and that children’s experiences NOW, in their real world, are not valid/ legitimate. I think it prepares a child to accept the status quo, rather than to actively attempt to shape the world around them…those are the first thoughts that come to mind. Also, the world at large, will give them enough “consequences”

I realize I cannot shield or control Maya's interactions with other children, relatives, employers, friends…but in my house she will know that if she mess up, can’t control her emotions, gets angry, gets excited…. whatever…. her experience will be met with love…and acceptance, and sometimes disappointment is she has done something disappointing to me…but that she will make her choices depending on the internal guidance that she has developed, not based on some external threat. That’s my desire in any case.

Also, there is a huge difference between not knowing how to say no to your child and what we are attempting to do…when Maya is “in trouble” or needs to be removed from a situation one of us goes with her…she is not rejected (by us) but sat with until she is able to handle the situation….but she knows it is not where she wants to be….it is a “punishment” for her…just like time out might be for another. We do set limits…but they are the “big ones” and we do try to meet the need behind the desire….

Yes…you can hit something if you’re mad….here’s a piece of wood, go hit the ground…not your friend.

Yes you can play with your food….inn the chicken yard so that they can eat it after your done.

There is always a yes somewhere in there if we can find it…

I think sometimes people confuse over permissiveness with RU...but what they are seeing in the inability to say no or disappoint their child is basically negligent parenting, not thoughtful construction of environment and relationship.

Also, we’ve been talking a lot with Maya about how beauty (something she relates to) is not only how you look, but how you act, and that being kind to others makes you beautiful and sparkly (another concept she loves) so when a fight is starting I’m saying “sparkly” and she’s starting to catch herself…my girl really likes the idea of being sparkly! Also about how she is the big girl so she has to walk away from the baby (Anael) when a fight starts…even if the baby “started it”….slowly….

chicken butts

I've been way too intimate with chicken butts lately! Several weeks ago when I processed our roosters I had a first hand experience with a post-mortem projectile poo...and now I have baby chicks...which I have now learned means that I get to deal with "pasty butt"....and what is pasty butt you may want to know? Well, basically it is sticky chicken poo caused by shipping stress, lack of protein, and/or too much heat. However, the poo sticks to their butt or vent and if it is not cleaned off they can't poop and die. So, I've been examining chicken butts and cleaning them with a moist, warm rag several times a day for the last couple of days.

However, the peeps are doing great, 7 were delivered yesterday morning and another 2 are going to a friend today...which leaves me with 18 babies....yikes!

Babies!!!

Non-stop conflict between Maya and Anael

We are currently dealing with A LOT of conflict between Maya and her cousin Anael, who is staying with us (along with her parents) for the next couple of months... Maya, who tends to play fine with most children, has never acted out towards Noah, and is generally agreeable, kind, and generous (for a 3 year old) is really having problems with Anael (her cousin, who is 2) to compound things, they do not have a common language, so any communication must be non-verbal.

Anything that Anael touches (even if Maya is engaged in another activity) Maya tries to grab. It might be mine or Maya's or even Anael's...irrelevant... whatever she has, Maya grabs, and then Anael responds with violence and the mayhem must be controlled. The girls are never unattended, usually there are even 2 adults around. I'm generally of the "let them work it out" opinion, but Anael is bigger than Maya and bites and hits, and Maya scratches, so I'm a bit concerned about someone getting hurt. Also, the household just cannot go on like this for the next several months....

So, I've reached out to the Unschooling Basics group and have gotten the following feedback:

Its not uncommon for three year olds to want to take charge of their environment, and another child who's mobile can be a real challenge to that urge (which is likely why you're not seeing any trouble with the baby - he's not up and about yet)! Something that can help a whole lot is finding ways for your 3yo to have lots and lots of chances to make decsions and feel capable. Can she reach all the light switches? Pour her own drinks? Grab a snack without any help? get to all her own toys without asking? Also consider offering her things to do that involve learning to control her own body and exert control over the environment - give her things to pour and invite her to help wipe up spills and wash things. Involve her in cooking and other household tasks.

Does she have a space in the house that's just hers? That could help, too, if she has a sense that she can be the one to decide who comes in to that space or use the things in that space. In a sense, there's a whole other family in her space, right now, which is stressful for a little one. So things that weren't an issue before are more likely to blow up while they're visiting. If your dd seems to do better when you're out of the house, that's something else to try - taking her out more so she's not so keyed up about "her" home being full of other people.

and from another respondent:

It's hard to have someone else come into your house and take all your stuff. Can you go through her stuff, with her, and pick out the things that she really doesn't want to share with Anael? You two could figure out somewhere that she felt was a good place to have all the special stuff, including anything of yours that she thinks should be off limits, and put it up there. Then you can take it down in quiet, private moments and play with those things without Anael being present. Don't worry about this being an issue of being generous or not, figure out ways to meet Maya's need for her stuff to be her stuff and her home to still feel like her space. Maybe going out more would help. Make life more about public spaces than Maya's private space.

At 2 and 3 working it out themselves shouldn't be part of the picture. Step in and hang out and help distract. Talk to Maya about what would be fine for Anael to play with and have lots of those things to hand to distract Anael with if things are moving too quickly to conflict. 2 to 3 months is a long time, figuring out ways to buffer Maya as quickly as possible will help to make that time move more quickly.

I really like both responses, and it's giving lots of food for thought...and things to work on.

Chaos...and I seem to thrive with it!

Tuesday, after 3 days of canceled flights, my husband's uncle arrived with his wife and child (2years). They are staying indefinitely, as long as Zvulon's dialysis goes smoothly. For now, they are staying with us...and 2 families in our large house still feels a bit cramped. Also, lots of conflict between Maya and Anael....but we love them dearly, and I am enjoying every moment of it...even if it feels like my head is about to explode most of the time.

Maya has been having a hard time sharing with Anael...which is strange since usually she is really good about that...so I had a talk with her, and asked her to please think of Anael as her sister, and to treat him as kindly and generously as she treat Noah...so she thought about it for a moment, and said "Ok, Mommy. When is my sister going home?" She never ceases to amaze me with her spunkiness and creativity!

So...we've been adjusting to a combined household for the last week, and I totally forgot that I was throwing a party tonight for the Oscars...luckily, I asked all of the guests to bring an appetizer to share, so Estelle (who is a great cook) and I will just prepare a little bit of food...I think she's doing some sweet and savory tarts, and I am doing carmel and spiced popcorn, in keeping with the whole movie/ Oscars theme.

And the excitement doesn't end tonight... tomorrow I'm hosting a meet up for attachment parents...we used to have meetings, but attendance dropped off and the meetings stopped, but there has been demand lately, so I decided to have one and see how it went...and then 25 baby chicks are coming on Tuesday! I think I have homes for 10 of them, and we will raise 15...10 for eating and 5 to add to the flock...While I make party food now, Haim is off to construct the brooder!